They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle… but 2009 was definitely more than I could handle. My choice back then was made based on logic and patterns. Reoccurring problems. I dried up all my options and possible ideas to conquer them, there was nothing left. No external advice met exactly what was going on, no one really ‘got it’.
Either God realised WOW ok, don’t give her that set of problems again… coz i vowed if i felt like that again… i would make my own outcome. He probably regrets giving me free will on that occasion 🤷🏻♀️
But… in some ways, although I dropped religion and believe more In “energies”… i can feel more… than i ever used to. Connect to the world in a deeper way.
Someone said ‘tell me about your powers’… when i told them? Silence. They probably didn’t believe that i can influence ppl on a spiritual level. I just choose not to in most cases. And I’m not sharing the details here because maybe you’ll think it’s a gimmick? Either way, i don’t have that much energy so it’s more of a temporary ‘energy embrace’ for comfort that I reach out for.
So, of course it’s only on a small time, i don’t have full control, just some days it just ‘clicks’ and works better. Sometimes I’m asking energies for help, sometimes I’m silently suffering inside and things ‘shift’ and adjust? Like I’m being watched over and spiritually being protected in some way? I don’t think I’ve met anyone living with that kind of power, so don’t know.
Yeah, I’m suffering a confidence drop owing to recent events, so I’m imagining anyone reading is possibly laughing to themselves?
So insecure
So unsettled … emotionally, physically… deeply.
Flight or fight every day, that others think I’m paranoid, but cross signals all over the place i don’t trust much anymore. No one, no entity, not even myself really.
All i know is whats in my heart… and that i need to hold onto… because i know I could lose myself if i don’t.
I know who I am, what i care about most, learning my flaws, how to better myself… at the same time as wading through the murky shallows of other people’s judgement, trying to work out what might be true, and what might be to attack and warp my reality.
I guess this is more of a blog about myself kinda post, rather than discoveries summarised.
If you’re on Instagram, search #k8epquote for my lil summaries of things. At the moment it’s only me using it, who knows? Maybe someone else will start using it for something else?
Thanks for reading,
Katie
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